IMBB? No.16: Boiling Eggs to Music

4 minutes

 tonkotsu ramen with googiesRelating a modest off-broadway event like End of Month Egg on Toast Extravaganza with it’s big time inspiration Alberto’s Is My Blog Burning? is a difficult thing to to do at the best of times. Is it the shadow? Is it the reflection in the puddle? Is it the opposite but equal reaction? Is it Sewamono to Kabuki? With IMBB doing eggs this month it feels like Josef Stalin giving a cheeky khryu-khryu.

And speaking of Animal Farm, while on the money politically, does anyone else think the animals in the barn farm of Orwell relatively quaint? The industrialised base of the totalitarianism that we managed to dodge, but animals mostly didn’t. In short it’s like a searing allegory of battery farming done with a Tuesday evening wine and cheese night of the Fabian Society.

Personally, I can’t imagine anybody in these foody spheres not willing to cough up an extra dollar or so on the safe bet that proper free-range eggs are significantly better for the chook and the happy moral free-ride that they’re tastier. Even so, not one to let a neat segue go past, classy Viv of Seattle Bon Vivant has blown open the cage door by opening eggs to IMBB and I’m still standing there going bwoak with my boiled eggs.

Why boiled? Well I thought I’d do something simple that I couldn’t do well. They are deceptively easy as I noted by the eggs in the ramen pic up above and how they were hard boiled en masse but with an accuracy that allowed the very slightest sheen of undone yolk. I can also never remember how long it’s supposed to take and even a sad knick knack collector like myself, finds egg timers a complete waste of time (no pun intended). While I could probably nail a good time for myself, cooking for others ranges from nice and runny to those who see each drop of raw yolk as a festering pit of salmonella. I took the times from James Patterson’s Kitchen Essentials and saw how it worked for myself. As for the times, well what is time really? I’d choose the passing of an appropriate length song as a handy guide.

Boil the water. Pierce the rounder end of the egg with a drawing pin to allow the gasses to escape. Place the eggs in. Bring back to the boil and then a high simmer. The eggs pictured are taken cold from the fridge and were they warmer, freshly taken from the nether regions of a chicken for example, the times should be shortened.

4 minute egg:

4 minutes The Propellerhead’s Spybreaks’(short one) bass line is one of the most compelling bass lines this side of Cannonball. And while Cannonball has a tentative lope before turning it on, Spybreak is all skinny arms and ski-rope. It is of course better know as the theme of the Matrix and should have most leaning over backwards and dodging imaginary bullets while the eggs cooks to a lovely runny conclusion. Other possible alternatives: The Whore Hustle and The Hustlers Whore, PJ Harvey; Down To Mexico, Seagull Screaming Kiss Her Kiss Her; or Auto Pilot, Queens of the Stone Age. A second longer gets you Always on My Mind, the Petshop Boys – worth a thought.

6 minute egg:

6 minutesRight on 6 minutes gets you a good balance of runny and composition with 電気GROOVE’s ボクの姉さん. A cute piece of cod reggae that’s charming enough. But a few seconds runnier and you’ve got Black Sabbath’s medieval rock masterpiece Iron Man. A bit firmer, and it’s disco in the kitchen with Groove Armada’s Superstylin or run out and punch someone after your egg is done with Rage Against the Machine’s Wake Up.

8 minute egg:

8 minutes Nothing 8 minutes on the knocker but some interestingly similar dilemmas. Slightly runnier with Black Sabbath’s masterpiece of chops and retarded drumming, War Pigs/Luke’s Wall or Groove Armada’s chillier relaxo tunes of Inside My Mind. Better done would be a little over for Dimitri from Paris’ frankly more fun Back in the Daze or the tchicka tchicka faux spy groove of Dirty Larry. Very tempting to push further on with Ministry’s Jesus Built My Hotrod (redline version) and yank it out just as the fade-out becomes nearly inaudible.

10 minute egg:

10 minutes 10 minutes was a little overdone with no shininess. The Stooge’s We Will Fall is a little over but is also a tremendously boring song for them, if not anybody. Boris’cover of Me and the Devil Blues would make for a more interesting 10 minutes. But the perfect ever so slightly under hard boiled egg is Metallica’s To Live is to Die. For my liking take it out as the lute takes over at the end and walk like Sir Lancelot to the egg-cup.

Marbled Eggs

marbled eggs As an added bonus. These are commonly known as tea eggs and are a gently cracked hardboiled egg allowed to simmer in a mix of tea, soy sauce, and star anise amongst others for a few hours. I used red wine, rosemary, and peppercorns in the hope it would end up tasting like steak and eggs with a red wine jus. I was, of course, deluded. A little bitter but pretty enough though wouldn’t you say? Yes.

28 comments

  1. teddles_russ’s avatar

    Not only are the bumnuts of the freerange Henny Penny tastier and better coloured than battery eggs, but also the free range Henny Penny herself is a far superior dinner to a StegLess production line chickenframe.

    Once you’ve roasted her and repasted on her you’ll never think of Ing, Ham and love in the same breath ever again…

    EoMEoTE be blowed, nothing less than EoMFRCoTE will ever be good enough after just one bite!

    (The preceding was unsolicited, I just happen to have been brought up on home-grown chicken and found Perth to be a very sad place until I discovered a thriving undergound market in free range poultry. Oh okay, and the local butcher stocks them, too.)

  2. Santos’s avatar

    back with another one of those egg boiling beats? sadly, the dickies “walk like an egg”, beastie boys’ “egg man” and johnny cash’s “dirty old egg suckin’ dog” will barely get you on the boil, whilst tom waits’ “eggs and sausage” will get you just past runny, as will human league’s “being boiled” and the flaming lips’ “they punctured my yolk”. i would love to tell you that spandau ballet’s “gold” will get you the perfect golden yolk, but sadly , i know this much isn’t true.

    winey eggs, scary looking.

  3. J’s avatar

    love how you captured the wobble and quiver of the 4 minute egg…nice!

  4. Anthony’s avatar

    Ted

    Couldn’t agree more and it’s not like the Chicken barons are doing it hard either. Gotta love Mt Barker etc. Had thought EoMFREoTE but hoping for free-range to become redundant. Interesting stuff on Radio National today

    Santos
    Shh about Spandau Ballet, you’ll get Goat all excited. He’s already going on about the Beatles. Me, I am the walrus.

    They are very scarey, I was half expecting a serpent to hatch out of them while I was taking the pic.

  5. Anthony’s avatar

    Thanks J. And I managed to pour it all over my hand in the photo switcheroo.

  6. Brandon’s avatar

    What gorgeous, gorgeous eggs . . .

  7. Nicole’s avatar

    Lovely eggs if a little creepy. Looks like they’re covered in veins.

  8. Anonymous’s avatar

    What beautiful photos Devo! I thought you said the new one didn’t have macro?
    I thought that maybe something from ween may go well with eggs (White Pepper? Cheese and Chocolate?)

    heach

  9. shina’s avatar

    アンソニーさん

    卵がおいしそう。
    電気グルーヴは、懐かしい・・・。

    :-)

  10. deborah’s avatar

    This is fantastic Anthony! Love all the boiled egg pics and the marbled one. Looks quite swish – not scary at all.

  11. Anthony’s avatar

    -Brandon
    Eggs are intrinsically gorgeous, from the shape to the sharp orange of the yolk.
    -Nicole
    Sort of something Captain Kirk would have cracked onto if they had better make-up then.
    -Heach
    It doesn’t but I cheat by zooming in and cropping. 4:03 The Golden Eel? but they get the award for the best food line ever in Beunas Tardes Amigo.
    -しなーさん
    私の好きな音楽はぜんぶ懐かしいです
    おやじでしょう!;)
    Saffron
    Thanks matey. not even a little bit scarey?

  12. none’s avatar

    Which side is the “rounder” side of the egg? The pointy one or the fat one? Anyway, I am sold: soft boiled eggs for dinner

  13. Anthony’s avatar

    Renata
    Good point. I was going to say the larger arc is rounder, but then again it’s also flatter. I’ll have to settle for the end that isn’t as pointy as the other end.

    Enjoy your soft boiled egg.

  14. Chubby Hubby’s avatar

    This is great. Love the idea of timing your eggs with songs. Fantastic Anthony!

  15. Anthony’s avatar

    CH
    Thanks but I’m getting the horrible feeling that Bruce Willis did a similar thing in a really really bad movie (not with eggs mind). I’m suppressing the memory as best I can.

  16. Helen (AugustusGloop)’s avatar

    >>A little bitter but pretty enough

    An appropriate epitaph?

  17. Anthony’s avatar

    : )

    You can hear the visualisation churning as each person passes that line.

  18. Stephanie’s avatar

    I LOVE the marbled eggs. Don’t care what they taste like – they’re just so darned pretty!

  19. Robert’s avatar

    Heach said, “I thought that maybe something from ween may go well with eggs”.

    How about Ween’s “Even If You Don’t”:

    I was happy this morning
    You finally got yourself dressed
    Eating raw bacon
    It’s OK, I was still impressed

  20. Anthony’s avatar

    Steph
    They certainly have something. You can find out how to make them properly at theAsia Food Glossary Page

    Rob
    It wouldn’t surprise if they were telling the truth on this.

  21. Reid’s avatar

    Hi Anthony,

    What an interesting concept! hehe. Remind me to time my boiled eggs to music next time…

  22. Anthony’s avatar

    Reid
    You can use any song you like. Oh no you can’t, you have to use my choices, or you’ll get salmonella poisoning (unless it’s Kim Salmonella [five people laugh])

  23. The Daily Magnet’s avatar

    Your spider-webby marbled eggs look very exotic, I think I will stick to the soy sauce etc for mine following your advice. The runny egg looks great and it only takes 4 minutes! Ithink I will go cook one right now. Cheers, Anthony this is a great eomeote – I always just have to use my psychic powers to judge if the egg is cooked, but now I can use the timer! Ta.

  24. Anthony’s avatar

    Ah I tell you, I used to do the same telepathy thing and it just wasn’t happening. Got some crappy advice about bringing the water to the boil with the egg in it and then letting the water cool or something. I think people just make shit up to be reinventor of the wheel. I’m sticking to Iron Man.

  25. Anthony’s avatar

    Oh and this is IMBB? not EoMEoTE. I know, I know…

    EoMEoTE is a short dramatic piece or something this month and should be soonish, if not now.

  26. The Daily Magnet’s avatar

    D’oh – sorry, I was just going on the date and the egg[with no toast].
    I have been working on the ‘bringing the egg to boil in the cold water’ theory too, they said it stops the shell from cracking?

  27. Tom’s avatar

    Thank you! Very interesting!

  28. Ma’s avatar

    cool! I want to try those marbled eggs or something like it one day! but did you add the tea and stuff to the water or *instead* of the water after cracking the eggs?

Comments are now closed.