Day of the Sausage

sausages 2

Much more so than strolling through Bangkok in a pale flared Pierre Cardin suit and smoking Sobranie cocktail cigarettes, making sausages has always defined exoticism for me. There’s been a sausage shaped hole in my life and on the weekend, I filled it – in abundance.

Simple principle – everyone brings their favourite meat mix, we make sausages and we eat them. The fact that no-one, including myself had ever made them before was no impediment. I had 30 metres of pig casings soaking, a kenwood mincer attachment and a long red funnel thing. The golden rule is fat – Vince Garreffa says 20% minimum and you listen to Vince. Roll the casings onto the funnel – like you might for an ambitious condom purchase, tie a knot in the end, pop a couple of holes in to let the air out, crank the mincer up and twist every sausage length in opposite directions.

And it’s great. It’s such an earthy thing to do. It’s sex, it’s death; it’s shit, it’s food; it’s delicate, it’s brute force. It’s like Pasolini in pork. Bits of meat everywhere; someone pointing out that ‘an animals been shitting in that all its life; instructions to roll as a man,not as a lady; the firming of flesh – it’s not for the weak of heart or the repressed of spirit. I think we made about twelve kilograms of sausages with nearly as many different mixes. Sausages were cooked, enjoyed and magpies hung around our house for the next week.


Given that amateur sausage is a dying art for the amateur, I’m thinking that with quite a few kids around on the day, that at least that one of them might get me through to the next century as ‘the person that made their own sausages’. It’s the quiet hope of a mortality addressing near-forty year old. I also hope they remember the completely awesome birthday cake.

A completely awesome cake



  1. Pope Benedict xvi’s avatar

    Hmm…not sure I approve of all this: people doing things for themselves, making their own entertainment and clearly having a great time. Also, I look sternly upon mentions of “condoms” and “sex”. The approving nod towards Signor Pasolini I will absolve by way of his “The Gospel according to St. Matthew”.
    However, I really, really appreciate the fact that you managed to get through your piece without once comparing a sausage to a penis. Bless you my son and Happy Birthday.

  2. Anthony’s avatar

    Sensitive times Your Holiness but it’s good to see Sydney has taken appropriate steps..
    Now you mention it, I guess they are kind of similar – I should have warned the ladies. Thanks for the kind birthday wishes and could I please have a birthday edict that Blockbuster Video Stores have more than one Italian movie and that it’s not Cinema Paradiso.

  3. Zoe’s avatar

    “There’s been a sausage shaped hole in my life “

    I know exactly what you mean ; )

  4. Anthony’s avatar

    I’m free Mr Humphries!

  5. Barbara’s avatar

    Brilliant and happy birthday.

  6. Francis Xavier Holden’s avatar

    Any tips?

    Thick or thin – how long – breadcrumbs?

    What was the best mix of meat, spices etc.

    Did you eat ’em wrapped in soft white bread with dead horse or on plates with chutney and mashed spuds?

    Unlike others less mature I’ll refrain from any juvenile smirks about sausages, meat, condoms, machines, spice, length, thickness, satisfaction, putting in mouth, big ones, etc. Are You Being Served indeed.

  7. Biscuit Carroll’s avatar

    Now I want to know what Lady Chatterley said.

  8. Anthony’s avatar

    Hello all.

    FX is correct – all adult content on this site must be filtered through 1970’s style innuendo. Extracts of Lady Chatterly’s namesake would read:

    Oooer gamekeeper, it must get tiring banging away at furry things all day.

    I am also rightly shamed into providing actual details of the day and will do an update.

  9. jason’s avatar

    Dam, looks like i missed out bigtime on making my own sausages, stoopid work, who needs it. bah!

  10. Gracianne’s avatar

    I know exactly what you mean. It’s messey, but so much fun and pride in the end. we did that a few weeks ago, with 2 blogger friends of mine, my friend’s husband watching and laughing.

    There’s no longer a sausage shaped hole in my life :)

    Happy Birthday!

  11. pope benedict xvi’s avatar

    You’ve all done very well.

  12. Anthony’s avatar

    work – it’s the curse of the sausage-making class

    Gracianne – you’re an example to us all

    Good afternoon Young Mr Holiness

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